Sex In The City

I know I haven’t written much about the guys over here. But I doubt everyone wants to read about my latest date. I have met some nice guys here, and made some good friends. Everyone has been really kind and welcoming to me. I thought I would write a piece about the gay life in Barcelona. It is a very embracing city. Gays are welcomed as part of the whole community. There is a gay section in the center of town. It is not like the Castro, but a lot of gay shops and hotels sprinkled liberally around the area. Most everything is way more sexual here. Several bars have underwear night, naked night, fetish night, leather night, whatever you are into night. They start at 10:00 and go on forever. Nothing really happens until around midnight. In any given night, you can hang out naked or in your underwear somewhere in the city. So be prepared to stay up all night. There are a bunch of dance clubs that are no different from what can be found at Badlands on any weekend. The music is the same, laser lights cutting through the machine induced fog, Madonna crowning her latest hits and of course hot guys dancing all around you half naked. The energy, music and flirting is all the same. The gay video stores make no pretense for what they really are. You can pay a flat fee, and you can watch all the video you want. There is plenty of opportunity to watch and be watched. It is more like a bathhouse without showers. Barcelona also has three gay beaches. One nude beach is about a 5-minute walk north of the port and another about a 15-minute walk south of me. So don’t bother bringing your Speedo and don’t ever think of bringing board shorts when you come to visit me. Of course this time of year there are not many souls brave enough to be naked. They say it will start to warm up in about a month. And during the summer, the beaches are packed. It seems like nudity is much more common in Spain than in France, Italy or Greece.

And the guys? If you like your men lean, fit, dark, gobs of thick black hair and larger than average uncut dicks, then this is the land of opportunity. If you like a little bulk on your guys, then hang out at the gyms. They are definitely more hunky there. And like most gyms, the steam room and sauna are a bit cruisey if you need a little relaxation after your testosterone-pumping workout. Their workout equipment is a bit shabby, but the eye candy seems to make up for that. There is one fitness club near Porto Olympic that has floor to ceiling views of one of the nude gay beaches. My friend John tells me that is quite a popular gym for the gay boys in town. Sounds like the view from there is enough to get even me on one of those hamster treadmills. Guess I signed up my gym membership on the wrong side of town. Most of the guys speak a little English and often are quite fluent. They are also very generous and kind. They are used to valuing friendships and once you are a friend, you are a part of their life. I had a guy I barely knew offer to show me around the city. He spent the entire day giving me the highlights of this beautiful area. We visited castles, museums old historical neighborhoods and parks. He is the one that clued me in on all the nude beaches. He took me to a wonderful tapas restaurant, and I literally had to force him to let me pay for lunch. He just wanted me to feel welcome and make sure I was enjoying my stay here. The guy was cute, in his late 20’s, driving a brand new BMW and fun to be with. He speaks French, English, Spanish, Catalonian and a little Romanian. No happy ending here, too bad he had a boyfriend. He invited me to have lunch with him and his bf next week. Now you gotta love that.

So circle your calendar, start doing those crunches, book your tickets and pack your bags. I hope you are all planning to come visit me soon.

Partridge and Pear Trees

Most people know that the 25th of December was chosen by the church as the birth of Christ to counteract the drunken erotic Roman celebration of the winter solstice. Well things didn’t really go as planned. Instead, Christmas became a holiday of drunken brawls. It was far from a holy day. It was a day set aside for ignoring the law and even terrorizing the citizens. You all know the song about giving us some Figgie pudding. Well it goes on to say we won’t leave until we get some. And that was literally the case. If a person did not give the mob what they wanted, they would come into the wealthy homes and loot it. This went on for centuries. It was so bad, that churches closed their doors on the 25th, and good Christians stayed in doors hoping the holiday would pass without incident. Think of that Roman spring solstice we still celebrate as Mardi Gras only much worse. When the puritans landed in America, one of the first laws they passed was absolutely no celebrating of Christmas of any kind. Anyone celebrating this holiday would be jailed. Those laws stayed in place until the late 1700’s. The drunken brawls continued until the early 1800’s. Christmas as we know it is a relatively recent event.

The song 12 Days of Christmas was actually a song made as a code to worship the 12 days from Christmas to Three Kings Day. The true love is not a boyfriend, the true love is God. On the first day of Christmas God sent his Son, represented by the partridge, one of the few birds willing to die for their young. Two turtledoves represent the Old and New Testament. Three French hens represent faith, hope and charity. Can you guess what the four calling birds are? The four gospels calling Christians to repentance. Five golden rings represent the torah or first five precious books of the Old Testament. Six geese a-laying go back to the first six days of creation when the world was hatched. Seven swans a-swimming, a little more difficult. But since the swan is considered one of the most beautiful birds, they represent the seven gifts of the spirit. Eight maids a-milking. Being a milkmaid was about the lowest job one could have. Christ came for everyone even the lowest servant, and was mentioned in his very first sermon: Blessed are the poor, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst, the merciful, pure in heart and the peacemakers. Yeah that is seven. Nine ladies dancing? Also a little more difficult, but it is the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness gentleness and self control. Ten lords a-leaping. This one is probably a little easier to figure out. Lords were the judges and in charge of the law; so the Ten Commandments. Eleven pipers piping. Kind of a trick question. It represents the eleven apostles spreading the gospel message. They didn’t count Judas because of the betrayal problem. The final 12 drummers drumming relate directly to the Catholic Church doctrine of the 12 points of the Apostles Creed.

No wonder this silly song has lasted for so long. So next Christmas when you sing this carol, you can think back on when Christmas was not a holy day and Christians had to hide their devotion through a coded song with silly lyrics. And on January 6th, if you haven’t taken your tree down, take a peek and see if the three kings left you anything.

The Epiphany and Three Wise Men

When I was a little kid, I remember a few families had the tradition of decorating their Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. It always seemed strange to me to do all that work only to take the tree down a few days later. For our family, the Christmas tree was the center of celebrating the whole Christmas season and really triggered the beginning of this festive season. We always put it up the day after Thanksgiving where it stayed no matter how much of a fireball it turned in to until New Years Day. Deep down, I wondered if the other parents were just looking for an exceptional bargain on a tree since they practically give them away on that night. I was also a bit confused about this whole 12 days of Christmas. It seemed to me that it should be 25 days of Christmas and start on December 1. It took me a while to figure all of this out. But I have to say; it took coming to Spain to fit the last pieces of the puzzle together.

I was at the mall this week getting some groceries at the big market there. As I walked in, there is a booth the mall set up to have your presents wrapped for you. I had seen it before Christmas, and though, wow nice idea and it seemed like a free service being offered. Well the wrapping center was busier than ever. Yeah I knew there was something called Three Kings Day, and I knew that children got presents then. In fact children in Spain usually only get a small present on Christmas Eve. Three Kings Day is when they really score.

As I was walking out of the grocery store, I see this HUGE line of kids. And there at the epicenter is a guy dressed up in a renaissance type costume. Red tights, square hat, little tunic. He was pretty hot, in his 20’s and had a small Van Dyke. I was a little confused because he did not resemble any Santa I had ever seen or heard about. And I have to confess, this is the first santa I have wanted to sit on in quite a while. So I ask this guy that was trying to sell cellular phones if he spoke English and what this was all about? It is one of the advantages of being a dumb American. You can pick the cutest guy around and ask him some silly question. He tells me he speaks “just a little”. No French accent, but petty funny. So he tells me that this guy in the red velvet chair is a servant of the three kings. And he is asking the children what they want the three kings to bring them. Ahhh, I get it. And I think it makes perfect sense that a king would send his servant on such an errand and that since the three kings were the ones that brought the very first Christmas presents, they would be the ones to still be stuck with the job, not some jolly fat guy living in the north pole.

The legend goes that the Three Wise Men reached the baby Jesus on January 6th, and proclaimed him a king. That became know as the day of the Epiphany, which means to reveal or to reveal that Christ was the King of Kings. Hence, Christmas is the first day of Christmas and the Epiphany is the 12th day of Christmas culminating in a very spiritual recognition of the divinity of Christ.